By Jon Tingley
I’m welcoming you back this week with a column about online dating and hookups. It’s a cold one out there so many of you might be thinking of forgoing the below-freezing temperatures and crowded bars in favor of a laptop and webcam. Over winter break, I posted a survey for readers to take about online dating because I wanted to get an accurate sense of readers’ experience with the tool. You can access the survey by visiting http://bit.ly/ftingley
It turns out that 60 percent of the people who took the survey have never created an online profile or personal ad. That shocked me. Then I dug a little deeper and saw that if you break it down by sexual orientation, 85 percent of homosexual respondents said they have created an online profile, while only 28 percent of straight people reported doing so.
My study is far from scientific and my results aren’t conclusive, but that jump is hard to ignore. These results make it seem like online romance sites are primarily used by young homosexuals (75 percent of respondents were under the age of 24).
Gay or not, online dating is something that has become more common in the last few years. What used to carry a stigma is now a tool that’s constantly advertised on TV and is the go-to resource for divorced soccer moms and twinky gay boys alike. If you’re thinking about trying an online dating service, you need to know what you’re getting yourself into.
Dating services aren’t cheap
For full access to their services, most companies charge over $30 per month. True, several companies offer free or limited versions of their services, but they pale in comparison to what you get when you cough up the dough. The only sites that seem to offer significant functionality and audience for free are PlentyofFish.com and Manhunt.com, and the motivations of a Manhunt user can be questionable. Even so, do you really want to spend your limited funds searching for a virtual partner?
Most people aren’t successful
Many people are very successful in their online searches. From my research, it seemed like the people who found a life-partner online were older, more mature, and knew exactly what they were looking for. Of the people who took my survey who were looking for a relationship, most didn’t find what they were looking for online. Online services might be great for short-term romances and hookups, but it can be hard to find lasting love.
Meeting up can be unsafe
I’ve stressed this before, but any time you’re meeting someone for the first time you need to meet in a public place. Being in a place with witnesses will help if the person you’re meeting intends to peel you and use you as a lampshade. Also, try to tell someone what your plans are for the night in case something does go wrong.
It could be a while
A lot of people think that, like many other online services, online dating will offer instant gratification. The truth is, online dating isn’t that different from the old-fashioned kind: there are still a lot of losers out there who will clog your inbox with awkward messages and Hello Kitty emoticons. If you’re willing to wade through an infinite pool of profiles, expect that the first 25 or 50 are likely to be duds.
Miracles do happen
Believe it or not, some people actually do find love online. Those commercials aren’t lying to you. If you’ve tried traditional dating and haven’t had any luck, maybe creating a profile and seeing how many nibblers you get isn’t such a bad idea. Just don’t put all your eggs in one basket and forget that meeting people in person is still an effective way to date.
It can hurt
When you meet someone face-to-face, most people are less likely to be an asshole to you, but, online, everyone has free reign to shit all over you. If you have a profile up and no one’s contacting you or people are just ignoring your messages, maybe it’s not for you. It is very hard to represent your whole self online. If you’re bat-shit crazy and want to hide that, this might be the medium for you. But don’t think that you can possibly know how a person truly is by reading their profile. There are a lot of fantastic people out there who will never get a date online.
No one can predict the future and, contrary to popular belief, you really can’t plan who the love of your life will be. I’ve been at if for almost a decade and have only a few good friends and a pile of assholes to show for it. Never sacrifice who you are in order to settle down. Take the time to find a quality match.
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